2008 Musing

2008 has been a memorable and good year to some. Let them thank God. To others, it has been annus horribilis that will be memorable for the wrong reason. It is time to learn what it means to have faith in God, esp when things go very opposite of what we expect.

It is the year many lost a fortune when they should be getting higher yield for their hard-earned savings. The last quarter saw the economy falling off the cliff dramatically after tottering on its edge since 06. Many got laid-off in a recession that promised to get worse. The year ended dismally. Personally, 2008 is a year I would like to forget, if not for the determination to make sense of the events that happened – and to find purpose, if there is any.

It was Dec of 07 that an offer to join a new start-up company was made by an ex-colleague - my ex-boss actually. The new company has a number of ex-colleagues, including a boss that has reputation for being tough, although I have not experienced her wrath before. I did not assess the pros and cons of join this new company because just few weeks earlier, there had been frustration with some issues. I remembered crying to God to get me out of that company. So when the offer came, I genuinely believe that God is answering my prayer. But it was an appointment that was not meant to be.

The first month in the new company was OK. But by second month, things went south. Not sure exactly what went wrong … most of the earlier jobs I had have been good experiences. The only thing I can pin on is that I worked independently – given a task, I carry it and run, which served me well in the past. This boss is a self confessed control freak. She wants things done her way and her way is not always made known. So frustration came when she said A but asked about B later. Those who can tolerate and find ways to play along - good for them. For me and others before me, it is to pack up and move on. It is no fun thing being miserable every working day.

Applications for jobs started from May (during the one month notice period). There were some responses (2 actually) that were not successful but from July to August, there was none. Zero. It was very trying. Sept and Oct were better, which is a surprise considering this is when the economy downturn started. 5 companies called for interview with 3 of them having second round and 2 with discussion with HR. Unfortunately all came to nought. By Nov it was really depressing. It led to acts of desperation – bugging former colleagues and relatives, which I have not done before.

At the height of desperation, on the second week of Nov, an advertisement appeared in Sunday for a Site Project engineer for the Marina Bay project. I applied but found out on Mon that the application via email bounced because the other person’s email is full. So on Mon morning (about 9 am) I resend. By 10.30, the other person called and arranged to meet at KFC in Jurong during lunch as he will be there. At 12 plus, I got the job.

Then the first week on the new job, another company that I applied (Sat – before the Sun advert) called for an interview. Somehow I managed to attend the interview as the week was a slow week when the boss dismissed all of us at 3.30 pm. My interview appointment is 4 pm. A second interview was given end Nov (I almost can’t make it but will tell in another time) and I got the job. I understand there were 10 people shortlisted for interview (normal co will do about 4) and 4 for final interview (usually 2). The pay is much better than my previous job but still less than last year’s. But the best bit is not having to work on Saturday. Today I started work and I am thankful that the company is a good company to work – they are very driven but their culture is openness, frowns on nasty work attitude and encourages working together – and the boss is a very good lady boss.

What do I make of the trial I have to go thru? For more than 5 months, there was no answer to the multitude of prayers - even when many people prayed, including a number of pastoral staff. Then 2 job offers within 1 month! It was a really trying period as there is practically nothing to do but to stay at home the whole day (except the relief teaching stint). Although it might be a luxury to have lots of time at hand, it is hard to ‘enjoy’ the time at this depressing time. A lot of times were spent in prayer in closet, prayer walk and reading bible. It is agony to agonise in prayer.

There were actually many times I questioned if God is there or has He abandoned me when prayer after prayer ended with nothing. To be sure, there are signs and Bible verses that encourage in the process but ended with nothing. Did God pick the wrong person? Is God really faithful? Of course many times the thought did come whether is God punishing me for some sins. There are but was not able to identify which is the one that trigger this retribution.

I am still not sure why I have to go thru that trial. Is God planning something better? Or is it a wake up call for me? Is it just my share of hardship after years of blessings? I don’t know. And as if to put my problem in perspective, we had news that Pastor David Yeo succumbed to the viral infection despite the whole church prayed earnestly.

The experience has given me the following perspectives:

* Learn to pray earnestly - which is not easy
* Shit does happen and God may seems to be very silent but He is there
* We need to trust God, even when things look bleak, which is often easier said than done
* God is there – all the time – and He is working His plan for us, even when we don’t think so
* We need to continue to pray despite His silence
* School teaching is not for me – this settles a lingering thought
* I played a part in the Marina Bay project – yay!

I am still looking for God to work out His plan for me. There are opportunities in this company for growth and there is a new quality system that I can master and make use of later. Maybe God wants me to get out of semicon and to finish my career lifecycle with a good company. I do not know but as I learn that God has been at work so far, He must be working for my future.

Mike